It’s friendsgiving season, baby!

Tips for holiday hosting.

the bird in all her glory.

The weather in New York might not feel like it, but fall is in full swing and we’re barreling toward the holiday season, which means it’s time for my favorite party of the year: friendsgiving. 

Nearly every year since 2011, I’ve hosted this annual gathering, bringing together a collection of friends to kick off the holiday season. The party has been hosted in four different apartments with kitchens and spaces of various sizes, the guest list has ebbed and flowed, and last year we even had an ice luge (awesome, probably never again).

Friendsgiving is everything I want in a party. Everyone brings their A game when it comes to their potluck dish. The evening is wonderfully loud with music, conversations, and continuous clatter in the kitchen. The drinks are good, the vibes are high, and everyone is full and happy. 

I’m a hosting veteran at this point, but throwing a large party is a big job and can be daunting. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot to make the night run smoothly and I’m here to impart that wisdom onto you. Whether you’re a first time host or a seasoned veteran, I’ll help you throw a killer party.

Tips to set you up for friendsgiving success:

I don’t know about you, but my friends and I are booked and busy. I like to send the invite out pretty early so people can prepare. I shoot for about 5 weeks before.

Rather than do all my prep into 1-2 days, I like to stretch it out over a longer period of time. Breaking down tasks over a week is easier for me to get everything done.

You do not have to reinvent the wheel if you don’t want to. Save for a few exceptions, I’ve cooked the same turkey recipe from Bon Appétit every year. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Cook the turkey before guests arrive. That way the oven is free for reheating.

DELEGATE! You cannot do it all, so give people something to help with.

Pull out anything you need for serving and eating 1-2 days ahead of time so you can get anything else you need.

I always send out a dish signup sheet, but not everyone has to cook and they can bring plates, napkins, ice, etc. 

To paraphrase Ina Garten, store bought is fine (for appetizers). I like to keep it simple with a charcuterie board and some cheese, but definitely lean on the dip selection at your local store for pre-dinner snacks.

Set up the drink station outside of the fridge and away from where you’re cooking. The kitchen is crowded enough.

Get some disposable cameras for the party. It’s a real treat to develop them and see what’s on there.

You’ll probably end up behind. Accept it — no one actually cares if you eat at 9pm.

2023 | 2022 | 2019

Plus, a few tips from some of my favorite hosts:

Chloe Walsh | recipe developer & host extraordinaire
They key to hosting is to prep and plan everything down to a T. Lay the table, light the candles, have a few snacks ready, make sure at least one bottle of wine is cold. That way, when people arrive, everything looks beautiful but effortless, and it should all (in theory) run smoothly. Oh, and good lighting! Low lighting and lamps are key, never ever any overhead.

Natasha Jhala | my friend and lover of theme parties
As someone who usually grocery shops and cooks based on vibes, this is not the time to do that. Have a plan — it will make your life easier! Figure out oven times and temps for your dishes and plan accordingly. Sip on something fun, blast some music, and enjoy the experience, it’s not that serious.

Sarah Raffetto | pasta queen and co-founder, Petite Pasta Joint
Creating a prep list and a loose timeline has saved me countless times. I like to work backwards, starting with the time you want to serve dessert and work from there. Shoot for those times and if it’s a little late that’s okay! Having a goal to ensure things don’t get too late keeps me organized.

Managing ambition with a menu can be really tricky when you want to make everything fresh. Having some items needing to be made in the moment is fine, but balance that with things that were made ahead to help ease the day-of load and allow you to actually relax and enjoy the party (kind of lol).

Denise Plaza | my mom and master of parties
The night before, get all your serving pieces out and add a note as to what goes with what piece. Assign guests what you want them to bring (side dish, salad, etc), do NOT do a potluck. For Thanksgiving, you can make mashed potatoes the morning of and you can chop all the stuffing ingredients the day before to store in the fridge.

Ricotta, the greatest party trick

I’ve made this so many times I don’t follow an explicit recipe, but I always reference deb perelman’s recipe below.

Makes about 1 cup, so I always double it

3 cups whole milk

1 cup heavy cream*

1/2 teaspoon coarse sea salt

3 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

Cheese cloth

* I have made this using different ratios of milk to cream, but never use just whole milk.

Pour the milk, cream and salt into a 3-quart nonreactive saucepan. Attach a candy or deep-fry thermometer. Heat the milk to 190°F, stirring it occasionally to keep it from scorching on the bottom. If you do not have a candy thermometer, a meat thermometer works in a pinch. If you have neither, look for small bubbles to start appearing around the edge, that’s usually around 190.

Remove from heat and add the lemon juice, then stir it once or twice, gently and slowly. Let the pot sit undisturbed for 5 minutes.

Line a colander with a few layers of cheesecloth and place it over a large bowl (to catch the whey). Pour the curds and whey into the colander and let the curds strain for at least an hour. At an hour, you’ll have a tender, spreadable ricotta. At two hours, it will be spreadable but a bit firmer, almost like cream cheese. It will also firm as it cools.

Eat the ricotta right away or transfer it to an airtight container and refrigerate until ready to use.